


leave everything behind (take only who you can't live without)

by Melime



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Butch/Tabitha, Butch Dies, Canon-Typical Violence, Episode: s03e10 Time Bomb, F/F, Murder Wives, Nygma Dies, Relationship Problems, Road Trips, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: When Barbara goes to rescue Tabitha from Nygma, she allows her emotions to get the best of her and kills him. While Tabitha is in the hospital, Penguin gets to Butch, and so Barbara and Tabitha have to run for their lives. While on the road, they have time to talk about all that stands between them.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tabitha Galavan/Barbara Kean
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	leave everything behind (take only who you can't live without)

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [deixe tudo para trás (só leve quem não pode viver sem)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23353321) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



> This was originally written for the WLW Big Bang back in 2017. Even though that never came to the posting phase I was still saving it just in case, but I suppose two years and a half is long enough to wait.
> 
> Rated M for violence and sexual content.

Barbara arrived just in time to see Tabitha’s hand be cut off. She didn’t even have time to analyse the situation, simply giving herself to her first instinct and running to Tabitha. And then, before she had a chance to process what she was seeing, Nygma said something. Something callous or smug or gloating, she didn’t know, she didn’t care. All she knew was that Nygma hurt Tabitha and was about to leave as if it was nothing, and that he didn’t even fear any consequences coming of his action.

Later, she wouldn’t remember picking up her gun or pointing it at him. She wouldn’t remember pulling the trigger. One moment she was kneeling next to Tabitha, trying to see what she could do to help her, and the next she was standing with her gun pointed at Nygma, and he was falling to the ground with a bullet hole to the back of the head.

This was bad, catastrophic. Penguin would kill them. But she didn’t have time to think about that now.

“You killed him,” Tabitha said surprised, as Barbara freed her from the restraints.

“Which is why we have to leave before Penguin hears of this, we have to get you to a hospital now.”

“Hey, what about me?” Butch complained.

Barbara quickly released him too, they didn’t have time to argue, even though the two of them would never be on the best of terms. “You have to help me get Tabitha to the hospital while there’s still time to save her hand, but we have an even bigger problem to deal with, I’ll explain on the way.”

\---

Tabitha was bleeding, and Barbara didn’t know how to help her without causing even more damage. By that point, she was dearly acquainted to violence, but this was different, personal. The woman she loved was bleeding out in her arms and she didn’t know what to do to stop it.

Butch was yelling at her, complaining that she shouldn’t have killed Nygma, that Penguin would kill them for it, that they needed to cover their traces. She should have told him what she knew then, but all she could focus on was ordering him to drive faster, too concerned about the more pressing concern of Tabitha’s immediate safety to think about what Penguin would do to them when he found out she killed the man he was in love with.

Penguin had lost many people important to him, so maybe if Ed was only his second in command, he could have been reasoned with. Of course, as long as they were nowhere to be found while he was still angry. However, if he was truly in love with Ed, then there was nowhere in town they could hide from him. He would burn Gotham to ashes to find them, and when he did, their death’s wouldn’t be as fast as Nygma’s had been. After all, she heard about what he did to his step-mother, and that was while he was still his docile and broken post-Arkham self.

If Tabitha wasn’t hurt, the best option would have been hunting and killing Penguin before he suspected what happened, but now, even if they could reattach her hand, she would need time to lay low and recover, and to do so they would need to run.

\---

Everything happened too fast. Tabitha was hushed to surgery, Butch left to grab some guns and money at a safehouse, and Barbara was left alone to wait.

She finally had time to think, and maybe she wasn’t the perfect strategist, and maybe she was a little too reckless at times, but she knew how to do what it took to survive.

Tabitha had contacts outside the city, people who would help her even though her family no longer held the status it once had, and even though she turned her back to that family. She also had money hidden away, not in a warehouse or abandoned building in Gotham but foreign banks, under assumed names to protect it from her brother, never changed once it was no longer a concern.

Of course, Barbara didn’t know how long it would take for her to locate one of those contacts or move that money. Still, it would have to do. They had to leave the city as soon as possible, and going to any of their safehouses would be too big a risk. Perhaps she could convince Tabitha to leave before Butch returned, although that seemed unlikely. For some reason she couldn’t quite understand, Tabitha seemed to actually care about that brainless thug, much to Barbara’s dismay.

However, before she could plot a way to get rid of him, the nurse came, warning her that the surgery was done and that Tabitha was taken to a room. She asked more questions than the nurse knew how to answer, then didn’t wait for a reply before rushing past her to find Tabitha. Barbara needed to know she was safe. Although they were now in great danger because of it, she was glad she killed Nygma for what he did to Tabitha. She still didn’t know what his reasons were, but nothing could justify what he did, not to her eyes.

Barbara found the room by following Tabitha’s voice. She was awake, and yelling at a nurse to let her go or face the consequences. A wave of relief washed over Barbara, if Tabitha wanted to leave, she must have been feeling better.

“Babe,” Barbara called as soon as she got to the door, then rushed to Tabitha’s side, shoving a nurse to the floor to get to her. “Did they…?”

Tabitha raised her arm and tentatively moved her fingers, wincing. “Hurts like hell, but it’s back in place. If you hadn’t shot that bastard I would skin him alive for this.”

“Miss, we need...” the nurse Barbara had shoved started.

Barbara pointed her gun at the nurse, not taking her eyes off Tabitha. “Leave.” She didn’t even wait for the nurse to run away before resuming her conversation. “We have bigger problems than Nygma.”

Tabitha rolled her eyes. “Penguin won’t do anything. I killed his mother and I’m still here, why would he care if you killed his bff? We just need to lay low while he kills the messenger and makes a scene, once he’s calmer, we go back to normal.”

Barbara shook her head. “I don’t think so, not this time. Let’s be honest, despite everything he said, I think we both know he always blamed your brother for his mother, and saw you as a tool at best,” seeing that Tabitha was about to object, Barbara raised a hand to stop her, “and you know I say this with all the love in the world. He killed your brother twice, quite violently if I may add. Defiling the body, blowing him up with a fucking missile launcher, that’s overkill. But you he didn’t even touch, and even though he said it was because of Butch, I doubt he cared that much about what Butch wanted.”

“Fine, so he didn’t blame me for killing his mother, even though I did, and left her to bleed out in his arms, after having fun torturing her. Which means he’s an idiot, but I don’t see what this has to do with you killing Nygma now.”

“Penguin’s in love with Nygma.”

Tabitha just blinked at her. “What?”

“That’s right. Apparently Nygma was his one true love, or greatest love of his life, something sappy like that.”

“But Nygma was going on and on about some freak girl that he was dating, he thought Butch killed her, that’s why he attacked us.”

“Wait, _that’s_ the reason? Bastard! I wish I could shoot him again,” Barbara said absently, her eyes drifting away as she imagined doing just that.

“Babs, explanation.”

“Oh, right. Now, this is hot information, all from that Russian housekeeper. Penguin was all heart eyes all day around Nygma but he’s a disaster with a crush so he didn’t know what to do. He finally got the guts to ask Nygma to dinner, and then Nygma stood him up, Penguin was there all night rehearsing this whole speech about love and how they belonged together or some shit. Next morning Nygma comes in talking about how he found the perfect woman for him, which I guess means one that paid attention to him without him needing to kill her. So of course Penguin acted in the most Penguin way possible and had her killed.”

“Are you telling me Nygma attacked us because Penguin was jealous?”

“I’m telling you Penguin killed this random girl just so he could have Nygma all for himself, what do you think he’ll do to us once he finds out I killed him? I doubt he’ll be satisfied just killing me, he knows I love you, he’ll know I did it for you, that’s why we have to run.”

“Run?” Tabitha sat up, struggling to drag her legs over the edge of the bed, still feeling the effects of whatever anesthetics they gave her. “I’m going to kill that bastard! I can barely move my hand because he was jealous and couldn’t even confess to his own crime. I’m going to make him wish he had died with his mother.”

Barbara put her hands on Tabitha’s shoulders, holding her in bed. “Babe, think about this for a second. This is Penguin we’re talking about, the guy is basically immortal. Everyone in town tried to kill him, some got pretty close, and he always comes around.”

“Well, his luck has to change sometime.”

“You said it yourself, you can barely move your hand. Penguin won’t trust us to get anywhere near him, and he has too many men to get past. We have to be smart about this, we run now, and once you’re back on your feet we can come back and kill him.”

“I still have one good hand, that’s enough to squeeze the life out of him.”

Barbara sighed, showing some rare vulnerability. “Please, I can’t… I can’t risk losing you. When I saw you hurt, when I didn’t know if you were going to be ok, my whole world crumbled. I’ve had the wrong priorities my entire life, but I won’t make the same mistake now. I can’t take back killing Nygma, and I don’t know if I would if I could, he hurt you and he deserved so much worse for it. But I can’t risk Penguin killing you for it, I can’t have you die because of me.”

It was the most sincere display of love Barbara ever gave her, and maybe that was why it got through to Tabitha.

“I _will_ kill him for this. But you’re right, I’m not sure I can even stand up now, I’m in no shape to go against that cockroach.”

Barbara hugged her. “Thank you. I’ll get us a getaway car.”

“And I’ll call Butch. We have to meet with him.”

Barbara frowned at that. “Fine, if you insist. I’ll meet you back here in ten, get your clothes.”

\---

When Barbara got back to the room, Tabitha was sitting in bed, still not dressed, and her phone was smashed against the wall. She looked lost, and Barbara hesitated in approaching her.

“Babe?” she called when Tabitha didn’t acknowledge her presence.

“I’m going to kill that bastard.”

“What happened?”

Tabitha finally looked up. “Butch’s dead. Penguin did it. I heard them, Butch told us to run, he said Penguin found him, and then…”

Barbara ran to her and hugged her. As much as she hated Butch and hated the relationship he had with Tabitha, she knew he was important to her.

Tabitha didn’t cry, it wasn’t like her to cry, but she felt a pain she couldn’t quite describe. Most of her life was spent not caring about others, it was simpler to live that way when you were nothing but a tool for your family’s revenge. Even when her brother died, it was with a sense of inevitability, she didn’t want him to die, but there was no life for him beyond his revenge, and she was tired of helping him with that. With Butch, it was the first time a loss came unexpectedly, and she didn’t know how to deal with this. All she could think about was killing Penguin.

“We have to go, it won’t be long before he finds us here,” Barbara said.

“Let him, I’ll end him.”

Barbara pushed back to stare at her. “We’ve been through this! We will come back and we will kill him. In a slow and painful way that will let him wishing he never met us. But right now, we have to run.”

“He killed Butch! I won’t just-”

“Get yourself killed? Is that what Butch would have wanted?”

“Don’t. You don’t get to do that, you can’t use him like this. You don’t even care about him.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But I care about you and so did he. You’re not doing him any favors if you die trying to get revenge.”

“Then I won’t die.”

“Yes, you will, if you go after him you will. And I think you know that. I know what’s like to hurt so much you think you would be better off dead, then doing something stupid in the hopes that you don’t have to be the one to take your own life. I’ve been there, and it doesn’t pay off, and if you somehow survive it doesn’t make you feel better.”

For the first time since this conversation started, Tabitha really looked at her. She was so disturbed by Butch’s death that for a moment she forgot he wasn’t the only one who loved her. Barbara wasn’t as open about her feelings as Butch was, but there was no denying that she loved Tabitha and worried about her. After Barbara’s earlier display, it was cruel to continue to disregard her worry, especially because she knew Barbara was right.

“Barbara…” She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know how to fix this.

“If you really want to get yourself killed, then I won’t stop you. Part of me wants to just drag you off to somewhere safe even if I have to take you kicking and screaming, but if this is really want you want, I can’t stop you.”

Barbara turned to the door. For a moment, Tabitha thought she was going to run without her, but then, something about Barbara’s tone clicked, and Tabitha realized that, maybe for the first time in her life, self-preservation wasn’t on the top of Barbara’s priorities.

“Where are you going?” she asked, hoping somehow that the answer wouldn’t be what she suspected.

Barbara turned to face her again. “If I can’t get you to run with me, then I’ll have to keep you safe some other way. Penguin won’t come after you if I come to him first and tell him the truth. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get a lucky shot, and if not, then that buys you enough time to recover before going after him.”

“What? You can’t do that, that’s suicide!”

“Exactly! And if it’s the only chance I get of saving you then that’s what I’ll do.”

“You can’t be serious! Noble sacrifice doesn’t suit you!”

Barbara winced, and Tabitha immediately regretted her words, but she didn’t have time to take them back.

“It’s not noble. I just can’t let you get yourself killed without doing everything I can to stop it.” She sounded defeated, lost.

Barbara didn’t know what to do. The last thing she wanted was facing Penguin, but her heart was still racing and the panic of almost losing Tabitha was still too clear in her mind. If she couldn’t save them both, if Tabitha’s stubbornness wouldn’t allow her to do that, then she would do everything she could to keep Tabitha safe.

“I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself for me.”

“Too bad. It’s not your choice.”

Tabitha sighed, anger giving way to pain. Her life was never easy, but at least decisions were clearer when she didn’t have people she cared about, and that cared about her. There was a time she could do what she wanted, and no one would have gave a damn if she died as a consequence, and she wasn’t sure if she missed that.

“I have a stash a couple miles out of town. It’s not much, a few thousand in cash, some forged documents, a couple weapons, but it could get us started without having to risk one of the safehouses.”

Barbara didn’t press her to concede the point, this was the closer Tabitha would get to backing down, and she knew her well enough to be sure of that.

“Let me help you with your clothes, before someone finds the body of the doctor that used to own our getaway car.” Seeing Tabitha’s raised eyebrow, she complemented, “What? It’s not as if I was going to kill a nurse, I bet they all take the bus here.”

\---

Tabitha refused the wheelchair, and Barbara refused to give her the keys. Neither tried too hard to convince the other, showing that sometimes they knew how to pick their battles. Now the only problem was that they had nowhere to go.

For lack of another idea, Barbara kept driving forward after they recovered Tabitha’s stash. They didn’t have a plan, and Barbara didn’t risk bringing that up, fearing that their earlier disagreement would arise again.

They had been driving quietly for hours, the daylight passed them by and night fell without any change in their path, and without any words being traded between them. Barbara didn’t notice when Tabitha fell asleep, finally allowing the exhaustion of the day and the lingering effects of the sedatives to get the better of her. Barbara didn’t even notice when she herself began losing focus, not until she lost control of the car.

“What the hell?!” Tabitha said as she was startled awake.

Barbara had her hands firm on the wheel, breathing heavily, having parked almost instinctively just before they hit a tree by the side of the road.

“I think I…” She closed her eyes, trying to remember what happened.

Tabitha sighed, reading the exhaustion on her face. “We should probably stop for the night. I think we are far away enough that he won’t look for us here just yet, and I don’t want to run away from a fight just to die in a car crash.”

Barbara nodded. “We drove by a motel a couple miles ago. The kind of place I wouldn’t be caught dead in, so we’ll probably be safe there.”

“Safe is relative, but I don’t think he’ll find us. Want me to drive?”

Barbara shook her head. “Nothing like almost getting yourself killed to wake you up, and you should be resting. I’ll wake you once we get there.”

“You don’t have to fuss over me, I’m fine.”

Barbara stared at her for probably longer than she should have while driving. There were many things that she wanted to say, but none that would actually help. “Suit yourself, it’s not as if 10 minutes are going to make such difference.”

\---

It was the kind of place no one would bate an eye if someone used as a stop for human trafficking, or any kind of trafficking for that matter.

The bell broke when they tried to call reception, and so Barbara resorted to knocking on the door behind the reception desk until someone showed up.

When the owner finally appeared, she almost regretted it. The sleazy man wouldn’t stop calling them ‘sugar’ and making lewd comments in the couple of minutes it took him to take a room key, shake off the cockroach that had climbed there, and hand it to her. If only the doctors at Arkham could see her now, they would certainly believe she was a changed woman, there was no other explanation for the amount of self-control it took for her not to break the guy to pieces, or at least cut his throat with that letter opener over there at the counter.

The room was dirtier than her room at Arkham, and that's saying something. When they turned on the lights, the floor seemed to move as insects hid. Barbara couldn’t even identify that stench, but she didn’t try too hard, some things were better left unknown.

“At least we don’t have a black light, imagine what we would see,” Barbara said.

Tabitha made a face. “Why would you make me think of that?”

“Sorry,” she said shrugging, “my mind just went there.”

“I’m almost hoping you mean blood and not other fluids.”

“Well,” Barbara pointed at the bed, “those do seem like blood stains.”

“I’ve slept in literal dungeons that were better than this.”

“Kinky.”

Tabitha chuckled, perhaps the first moment things were lighter between them. “Not that kind of dungeon, those are usually pretty clean.”

“And here I was thinking you were just exceptionally pristine.”

“Think of it this way, if you’ll be spilling blood and other fluids, you want to keep things clean.”

Barbara looked at the bed again. “I’m almost changing my mind and going to sleep in the car, it’s got to be cleaner than this.”

“The car also happens to be a lot more exposed.”

“Almost worth it.”

Tabitha rolled her eyes. “We should probably get some sleep, I don’t want to stay here a moment longer than it’s necessary.”

“I’m not sure I can sleep here.”

“I have some earplugs here,” Tabitha said, going to the bag Barbara was carrying and taking them from the outside pocket.

“And how are these going to help?”

She handed a pair to Barbara. “You’ll thank me when you wake up without any cockroaches inside your ears.”

Barbara trembled. “Ew, I hadn’t even considered that possibility. That’s it, I’ll sleep in the car.”

Tabitha stopped her before she could leave. “Don’t be like this, we’re wasting time, we should be back on the road before sunrise. You were the one who wanted to run, this is what being on the run is like.”

Barbara almost started an argument, but thought better of it. “At least there’s no screaming, I suppose that makes it slightly better than Arkham.”

There was too much left unsaid, an argument far from being over, but they ignored that. They weren’t the type to talk about what upset them, not until it was too late. Both were too used to ignoring all their problems for as long as they could, living life one day at a time. However, as they were running for their lives together, that was no longer a sustainable way to carry on.

\---

Barbara woke up alone. It was something she was used to, so it took her a moment to remember all that had happened. She sat up on the bed, looking around and not finding Tabitha. There was light outside, it was later than Tabitha had planned to leave. A quick survey of the room told her that Tabitha was nowhere to be found, and that their bag of supplies was gone as well.

For one moment of panic, she was sure that Tabitha had left her, and even expected Penguin to come bursting through the door to kill her in slow and painful ways. Then, she pushed that thought out of her mind. This was her guilt speaking; even though she hadn’t intended for any of this to happen, she had caused their current predicament, and she was the reason why one of Tabitha’s lovers was dead.

Tabitha wouldn’t do this with her, wouldn’t trick her like this, and wouldn’t leave her, not without telling her first, not without at least a fight.

Her next moment of panic was the idea that perhaps Penguin did find them, and took Tabitha away from her to hurt her before the final blow was given. She took away the love of his life and he would take away the love of hers, possibly in an even crueler way, and then display their bodies where everyone could see. She wouldn’t put it past him, he was vindictive enough to try something like this. But then, she realized how absurd the idea was.

Penguin was many things, but discreet was not one of them. He couldn’t have taken Tabitha without waking her up, even with the earplugs, and he wouldn’t allow this revenge to be performed by an underling. No, she was sure that when he came for them, he would come himself, blood still boiling with wrath no matter how long they were able to keep hidden.

That left her with no other options, not that she could think of, so she did the only thing that came to mind: left the room in search of Tabitha.

The motel was quiet in the way that only an abandoned place by the side of the road could be. She didn’t know if any other room was occupied when they came the previous night, but they didn’t seem to be now, and she didn’t see anyone around. For lack of a better option, she went to the reception, in hopes that the mystery would be solved there.

‘Maybe Tabitha woke up early and went to buy some supplies,’ she told herself. ‘Maybe the place is empty because the rooms are so filthy no one with half a brain would stay here.’ She tried to reassure herself, convince herself that everything was fine.

And then she saw Tabitha covered in blood.

\---

Tabitha woke up at first light, and cursed herself for oversleeping. As much as she didn’t want to admit that to Barbara, she had been exhausted, but she still thought she had better control of her body than that.

What she should have done was wake Barbara up so they could leave right away, but Barbara seemed even more exhausted than she was, if that was even possible, so Tabitha figured another half an hour or so wouldn’t hurt.

And so, she decided to check if the snack machines had anything that didn’t expire in the previous century. After all, they needed to eat, and couldn’t risk going to a city and shopping, not until the dust settled.

Penguin was still mayor of Gotham, after all, not to mention king of the underworld. If he wanted them found, he had the means to do so even after they left the city. They wouldn’t be safe while they weren’t far away from his zone of influence, and that wouldn’t be easy with just a stolen car and a few supplies. They needed a better plan, and fast.

She would discuss all that with Barbara when she woke up, but for now, Tabitha was more concerned with discovering whether there was anything eatable anywhere around that place.

She should have been more careful, she should have known better. She was the one with training, she should have seen this coming. Or at least that’s what she told herself when she recognized herself and Barbara, a picture taken at the Sirens, right there on the TV.

There wasn’t time to hear what was being said, or even read the words on the screen. All she saw was their faces, and the look of the receptionist as he recognized them. And now she couldn’t let him get away.

She made it quick. Even with only one working hand, she was still good enough at this that he had no chance, and he didn’t even scream before she cut his throat. Then, she looked at the board where the room keys hanged, quite a few more missing from their spot. She couldn’t just leave him there, not with all the other witnesses around. She had to clean up this mess quickly, and then they had to run.

\---

“Relax, it’s not my blood,” Tabitha said when she saw Barbara’s worried look.

Barbara sighed, relieved. “Then what happened? I woke up and you were gone.”

“Penguin put our picture out, everyone will be looking for us, I had to get rid of the witnesses. Don’t worry, I already hid the bodies and took everything useful from their rooms back to the car, but we should probably leave before the place starts stinking even worse.”

Barbara ran to her and hugged her. “I was afraid he had gotten to you.”

Tabitha patted her awkwardly, not used to this type of display of affection. “It’s ok, I’m fine. He won’t take me down that easily. But we have to go now, I wouldn’t put it past him to put roadblocks or something along the way. Even if he doesn’t have as much power outside of Gotham, his money can still grease a lot of wheels.”

Barbara nodded. “Let’s go then. Any idea where we are going?”

Tabitha shook her head. “That’s what we need to decide, but we can keep driving East in the meantime. We can talk over our next move in the car.”

“Alright, let’s go then.”

\---

Despite the urgency of the situation, they drove for several miles before Tabitha brought up the subject again.

“I have an idea, but I’m not sure you’ll like it.”

Barbara frowned; Tabitha wasn’t the kind to hesitate like this. “I’m afraid to even ask.”

“It’s not bad, or at least not that bad. But it’s drastic.”

“Well?”

“Europe.”

“Europe?”

“He wouldn’t find us there.”

“Not that I’m disagreeing with your brilliant plan, but how are we getting there?”

“I have a contact. Let’s just say that moving people secretly across continents is something that is needed both for a family that is based around the idea of a centuries old revenge, and for the people who trained me.”

“Why do I have the feeling we’ll be moved around inside crates?”

“Not crates. Maybe a small plane, maybe using a cruise and then jumping ship near our destiny, I don’t know, the plan changes every time. But they can move us safely, and that’s what matters.”

“I suppose you’re right.” She paused. “Europe, wow. I knew we had to get far away from Gotham, but I never expected to go that far.”

“My family has some properties there, we can pick a country once we arrive and lay low for a couple months. Then we will come back and rain fire over Gotham.”

“That may actually be the best plan you ever had. Fine, show me where we can find this contact of yours.”

\---

They avoided main roads, which made their path both longer and more tedious than it would have been otherwise, but it was a necessary sacrifice. Killing everyone in one motel was easy, but they didn’t have enough guns to go in a shootout with the cops and hope to survive, and wouldn’t want to run away from Penguin just to die at the hands of a lowly cop who got a lucky shot while their peers dropped dead around them.

Every few hours, they had to stop and check the map, too many unmarked roads along stretches of nothingness, and a wrong turn could set them back weeks, or leave them stranded in the middle of nowhere with no gas.

The longer they stayed exposed, the greater were the odds of Penguin losing his patience and deciding to comb the country after them himself. With the means at his disposal, he would find them, unless they could get far away before that. That’s why, despite Tabitha’s plan being extreme, Barbara decided to go along with it. The risk of being smuggled to another continent was nothing compared to what would happen to them if Penguin found them.

They barely talked, more used to verbal sparring than normal conversation. That only compounded to the tediousness of the road, which allied with their possible impending doom created a morose atmosphere that killed any attempts at distraction.

There was a strange quality to their journey. They were running for their lives, and a single false step could mean the difference between life and death. However, much of their time was spent driving quietly around the country. It was an odd mix of haste and calm.

Long road trips had a way about them. Along the stretches of road, with no one else to be seen, cutoff from the rest of the world, the car became its own self-contained universe, and every aspect of people’s relationships were elevated to the tenth degree. For better or worse.

In their case, this meant that the ghost of Barbara’s actions, or rather, of their consequences, laid between them.

Tabitha knew Barbara didn’t like Butch, and even suspected she would kill him if given the chance, or maybe a good excuse. Although this clearly wasn’t a plan to kill him, it was hard not to think that Butch’s death had been to Barbara a happy coincidence, that perhaps having Tabitha all to herself would be the only good consequence of their escape. This wasn’t something she was consciously aware of thinking, but the thought was there nonetheless, poisoning their relationship.

Barbara, on the other hand, was taken by more guilt than she thought she was capable of feeling. She was always impulsive, and she had placed herself and others at risk without a second thought, but usually it was an immediate risk, no time to think of the consequences until they were already concretized. Now, she had nothing if not time to think about what she had done. Not killed Nygma, that was but a blink on her radar, one more life she had taken, no more important because she knew him before. No, she had placed Tabitha at risk, and ruined everything they had in Gotham. That was eating at her more than she would care to admit, not used as she was to feeling guilty.

\---

They couldn’t risk going to another motel, not with their names and faces plastered around TVs and newspapers. Barbara’s former idea of sleeping in the car was the only viable option now. Even better would have been taking turns driving while the other slept, but Barbara still didn’t want to force Tabitha’s wrist, and Tabitha would have trouble driving with only one hand.

They parked off road, the car hidden from view behind a rock formation. Not the perfect hideout, but it was the best they could do, and it would have to be enough.

“We’ll need to find a gas station tomorrow, we used up the last of what we picked up at the motel,” Tabitha said, lowering her seat.

Barbara nodded. “Find someplace close to desert, kill everyone, take everything we need?”

Tabitha chuckled. “Not exactly what I had in mind. We can’t exactly leave a trail of bodies for Penguin to follow.”

“There’s only a trail if the bodies are found.”

“Good point, but that still seems like a risk. We don’t want a big red arrow pointing to where we are going.”

“What’s the fun of running away if we don’t even get to go on a killing spree?”

“We have to save bullets. And be discreet.”

“What’s the fun in that? Thelma and Louise had the right idea.”

“You do know how that ended, don’t you?”

Barbara laughed. “Not exactly what I had in mind, but I suppose you’re right. Now, what beautiful ladies duo ends with a trip to Europe?”

“I don’t think there is one. Maybe Tabitha and Barbara will be the first.”

“Barbara and Tabitha.”

“You always have to come first, don’t you?”

They fell silent again. As much as they tried to keep their teasing dialog like they did so easily before, the weight of what was still unsaid casted a shadow too big to be avoided.

Several minutes passed before Barbara spoke again, her eyes staring at the car ceiling in the dark, almost as if she was talking to herself, and not Tabitha. “I’m sorry that he’s dead.”

“Don’t do this, don’t say that you’re sorry unless you mean it,” Tabitha said, without looking at her.

“But I do mean it.”

“You said it yourself, you didn’t like him.”

“Didn’t like him? I hated the guy. You were away from me, and in danger, and all because of him, all so you could be with him, of course I hated him. But that doesn’t mean I wanted him dead. I know that you loved him, and I didn’t want you to be hurt like this.”

“So you’re only sorry because of what I feel, not because of what happened to him.”

“What do you want me to say? You don’t want me to lie and that’s the truth. I was happy when he was working for Penguin, and you acted like you didn’t care about him, and we were together. I may be jealous and I may be murderous, but I’m not murderously jealous. I mean, except for that time with Lee, and that other time with Lee, but she really got on my nerves. What I’m trying to say is, if I could have saved him, without risking my own life or yours, of course, I would have. For you. Because I love you enough to care about your feelings even when they don’t match mine.”

Tabitha finally looked at her. “I want to believe you, and I want to say it wasn’t your fault. But there’s one thing I can’t understand, one thing I can’t stop thinking about. You had to know how dangerous it was, going to one of the safehouses, but you didn’t warn him, you let him ago alone, and you let him die. This sounds like you wanted to get rid of him.”

Barbara was quiet for a long moment before answering. “I wanted to get rid of him. I hoped we could run away, just the two of us. But that’s not why I let him go, and I didn’t think he would die. If I’m being perfectly honest, I wasn’t thinking all that clearly, not at first. I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t know what to do. All I could think about was you, being operated, and how I would kill every single person in that building if they didn’t save you. It wasn’t until I had more time to think that I realized how dangerous it was, and I thought that by then he would have realized it too. I thought he knew how to be careful. I actually thought about how I could convince you to leave before he got back, that’s how certain I was that everything would be fine. I don’t know how Penguin found out about Nygma so soon, but I promise this wasn’t what I wanted.”

Tabitha sighed. “The worst part is that I believe you, or at least I believe you would tell me if you wanted to kill him.”

Barbara turned to her. “Why is that the worst part?”

“Because everything would be easier if I could be mad at you, if I could blame everything on you and hate you. Because you’re right, I loved him, and hearing him die with me on the line unable to do anything for him, that broke me, it broke something that I didn’t even know I had. And I love you, and now you’re in danger too, and I don’t know if I could keep going if I lost you too. It would be so much easier not to care, and it would be easier to flee alone. But I can’t do that, I do care, and I can’t make myself stop caring.”

Barbara maneuvered herself to the other seat, pushing Tabitha a bit against the door, and settled herself, holding on to Tabitha and resting her head on her shoulder. “I know.”

Tabitha began playing with Barbara’s hair with her good hand. “I would have done the same thing.”

“What?”

“If our situation was reversed. I would have killed Nygma too, if he had hurt you, consequences be damned.”

Barbara smiled. “You don’t have to tell me that, I know you’ll always protect me.”

Tabitha pulled her closer and kissed her, finally allowing all her emotions to flow freely. “We have to be honest with each other, we won’t survive on the run otherwise.”

Barbara climbed on top of her and nodded. “Nothing but honesty from now on, I promise.” Barbara kissed her. “I missed you. You were right here next to me, but you weren’t, and I missed you so much.”

Tabitha kissed her again. “I’m here now, I’m not going anywhere.”

Their kisses grew more frenetic, desperate. Their bodies moving against each other, seeking contact.

“I need you, I need to feel you here with me.”

“I’m here, I’m here,” she said, barely capable of coherent thought.

They were alive, they were together, and for that moment, it was all that mattered. They should sleep and get moving as fast as they could, but they could die at any moment, and life had no point if it wasn’t lived. For that moment, tensions between them finally resolved, proving to themselves they were still alive and well meant more than carrying on with their escape plan.

\---

“Italy,” Barbara said, digging into the ground.

“What?” Tabitha asked, stopping her own shovel for a moment.

“I want to go to Italy.”

“Why Italy?”

Barbara shrugged. “I always wanted to live in a Villa. Drink wine, walk around the property without anyone to bother me. I don’t know, I went there with my parents once, and I loved it.”

“You would get bored out of your mind in a week.”

“Then let me have a week. We are on the run, we might as well keep moving.”

“Italy, I haven’t been there in a while.”

“Does your family own a Villa?”

Tabitha thought about it for a moment. “Three or four, I would have to check with our banker.”

“So, what do you think?”

“Italia è bellissima tutto l'anno, però tu la farà molto piú bella. Se tu vuole vivere in Italia, io dico che andremo a vivere in Italia.”

Barbara laughed. “Aren’t you full of surprises? Well, I don’t know what you said, but I have a feeling you were flirting with me.”

“I said Italy it is, and that you’ll have to learn Italian,” Tabitha mocked.

“I have a feeling that wasn’t what you’ve said, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt since I’m glad you agree with me.”

Tabitha shrugged. “I could be wrong, my Italian is a little rusty. Maybe we’ll have to train together.”

“They say French is the language of love, but I say any language can be romantic when whispered between the thighs.”

Tabitha tossed some sand at her feet. “Stop it, or we’ll never get this done.”

Barbara looked over at the body. Luckily, there was only one employee at the gas station, or else they would lose too much time digging graves. That was the good part about using roads no one else seemed to know existed, their odds at running into someone were practically non-existent.

“I still say we should have just left him there.”

“And I said we shouldn’t kill him, since he didn’t even have a TV there, but you didn’t listen, so we’re now doing my plan and not yours.”

“At least I didn’t waste any bullets. And there wasn’t even any blood, so that still counts as discrete.”

“I think this is deep enough, help me get him in.”

\---

“I shouldn’t have let him treat you like that. I shouldn’t have let him convince me to push you away when you needed me,” Tabitha said, staring absently through her window.

They had been driving in comfortable silence for hours now, and Tabitha’s comment took Barbara off guard. So long had passed since that happened, so much happened between them and everywhere around them… that didn’t seem to matter anymore. And yet, perhaps there was more to her dislike of Butch, perhaps she did held a grudge, even without consciously realizing it herself.

“I was sick, broken. Fuck, I was still obsessed with Jim, I can hardly blame you. I didn’t fit into your life, I understand.”

“No, you needed help, and I could see that. I should have helped you then.”

“What we had then was just fun, it’s not like now. It was a lifetime ago, I was so messed up, I didn’t even know who I was, who I wanted to be. You didn’t owe me anything. So don’t worry about that, I’m not holding it against you. I was your former fling, there’s no reason why you would want to help me.”

“No, that’s not…” Tabitha shook her head. “Barbara, I wanted to help you, but I was scared. I knew you needed more help than I could give you, and I didn’t know what to do. Not only what to do to help, I didn’t know what to do with my life, everything was a mess, nothing was how I thought it would be. But I should have tried to do something, I shouldn’t have given up so soon.” She finally looked at Barbara. “What I’m trying to say is I made mistakes before, and I understand why you didn’t like Butch.”

“It’s not only that,” Barbara said, taking a quick glance at Tabitha before turning her eyes back on the road. “He loved you, and I loved you, and he hated me, so I had to hate him. Because he would try to take you away from me eventually, so I had to do it first, or I would lose you again, and I couldn’t take that. I had to rebuild my life so many times, after I realized I would never be the daughter my parents wanted, after they realized that, after escaping them, after things with Renee ended, after getting clean, after things with Jim ended, after killing my parents, after the first time in Arkham, after the second one… I’m so used to losing everything that was important to me and living with it, just moving on no matter what happened, but I didn’t want to do that again. And I would have to, eventually. Because he wouldn’t let us be together so he would find a way to push us apart. I don’t know, I haven’t thought in those terms, not exactly, but on some level I knew this, and it was my greatest fear.”

Tabitha squeezed Barbara’s thigh with her good hand. “I wouldn’t have left you, not again. I knew better this time. I just wish I could have shown you that before everything went to hell.”

Barbara laughed uncomfortably. “I wonder what about road trips makes people go for heart to hearts. I still remember sitting on the back seat playing with a doll while dad talked about banging my riding instructor. Of course mom did the logical thing and fired her instead of divorcing the bastard, I still kinda miss the horses.”

Tabitha took that for what it was, a need to change the subject. “The most surprising part of that is you playing with dolls.”

Barbara gave her a wicked smirk. “Would it be easier to believe if I told you I used to decapitate them using the car’s windows? Used to drive mom crazy, she had a lock installed just because of that, couldn’t just take away the handle like a normal person would, of course. So I started using the seatbelt hole to break their legs. Those were fun times, I wonder why they didn’t flag me long before I decided that going on a killing spree was the solution to all my problems.”

“Please, two murders and one attempt doesn’t count as a spree. I’ve killed more than that just because I was bored.”

“Well, I had to start somewhere.”

Tabitha snorted. “Now that’s why you liked that clown, what was his name?”

“Jeremy? Something like that, I kinda liked his style for a while there, but it was too much talk too little action.”

“Men.”

“Only good for one thing and barely that, and a woman is always better for the job. Which I once said at a dinner party while my parents were still trying to deny to themselves I was bi, mom actually fainted.”

“That’s lucky, I couldn’t get a reaction out of my parents no matter what I did. I actually stabbed a butler and they just said in the calmest voice possible, ‘go to your room, you can come back when you stop this temper tantrum.’”

“Ok, you win the worst parents award. I would propose a toast to bad parenting, but we have no liquor.”

“And you’re driving.”

“Sure, if you want to be a spoilsport.”

Tabitha laughed. “We can have a toast in Italy with wine older than Gotham.”

“Maybe I should have picked France then, I always liked champagne better.”

\---

“We need to find a doctor,” Barbara commented, still looking at the road, after noticing how much Tabitha was flexing her fingers.

“No, we don’t, I just need these fucking stitches to stop itching so much. Hand me that knife, I’m taking this thing off.”

“What the fuck? No way! We’re still in the middle of nowhere and I have no idea what to do if your hand just falls off!”

Tabitha raised an eyebrow, and stopped trying to unscrew the external fixation for a moment. “Fall off? I don’t think that’s how things work.”

“How am I supposed to know? It was cut off, they put it back, I don’t know how that’s supposed to work.”

“It works like getting stitches, they itch like hell, but you never need them for as long as the doctors say you do.”

“That sounds awfully close to experience,” she asked with a mix of curiosity and worry.

Tabitha shrugged. “Not exactly. I’ve seen it happen, I know what I can and can’t do. More or less. But it’s so frustrating. I don’t like sitting around being useless, it makes my insides twitch. I wanna get this thing off and kill someone.”

“Ok, first of, you’re not being useless, you were the one who came up with our escape plan. Second, you killed those people at the motel, you don’t need two hands to kill anyone.”

“You don’t understand what’s like.”

“Are you sure? I’ve been to rehab, and Arkham. Twice, by the way. Each. And as bad as not being able to have your whole killing arsenal at your disposal right now is, I bet it’s better than being locked up in an institution by people who might as well have lost the key. So you keep this thing on, and after we talk to your contact, we’ll find a discreet doctor to take a look at your hand. With any luck, by the time we get to Italy you’ll be able to kill people with either hand.”

“You have the worst pep talk, you know that, right?”

“It only counts as bad if I can’t convince you.”

“No, I’m pretty sure it still counts as bad either way.”

“Does that mean I convinced you?”

“No, it means I don’t want to risk nerve damage.Working the whip is all about the wrist.”

“I would be offended that you don’t listen to me, except if you’ll do what I want I don’t actually care why you’ll do it.”

“I’ll start listening to you when our track record stops being such a disaster.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. We need to get to civilization soon, this whole road trip thing makes you too moody.”

“It makes me too moody? Are you sure you want to argue that point?”

“We can agree to disagree.”

\---

And finally they were there. Barbara had to admit she was expecting something a little more glorious from someone who worked smuggling rich people back and forward whenever they needed to avoid detection. Or at least she was hoping their contact didn’t look like a mix of crocodile hunter and drug dealer.

At least they did manage to find a doctor. The kind that worked in abandoned warehouses and didn’t ask questions, but beggars can’t be choosers.

“Quit playing with that knife, you heard the doctor, if you don’t behave he’ll make you go back to wearing that metal thing.”

“That wasn’t what he said.” But she still let go of the knife, external fixation was even worse than a cast. “I can’t believe I can’t even hold a knife right.”

“At least now you’re just wearing a cast, and he said you can move on to a splint in a couple of weeks. Maybe you’ll be back to ambidextrous killing by the end of the month.”

“There’s no way I’ll stay out of commission this long. We’re getting a second opinion when we get to Italy, from someone who didn’t lose their medical license for.... What did he say happened?”

“Something to do with cocaine and a tiger? I wasn’t paying too much attention, I was more concerned about the fact that the drill in his medical kit seems like it was stolen from a construction site.”

“You were the one who wanted me to see a doctor, at least he went to medical school.”

“Actually, I was a veterinarian, but humans are kind like chimps, right?” the doctor said as he passed then by.

Tabitha looked at Barbara. “Definitely getting a second opinion.”

“No arguments from me there. So, how are we leaving? I hope it’s a cruise, I always loved cruises.”

“About that, good news is we’ll be there by tomorrow. Our flight leaves in two hours.”

“And the bad news?”

“See those crates over there? That’s our passage to Italy.”

\---

One year later:

Barbara was just leaving the shower when Tabitha came home.

“You’re late,” she pointed.

Tabitha dropped her weapons and started stripping. “I wasn’t the one who decided to take on the Italian mob a day before schedule.”

“In my defense,” she said from inside the closet, looking for an appropriate dress,“I didn’t know he was anyone relevant when I shot him.”

“I’m not complaining,” she said, heading to the shower. “If you hadn’t shot him, I would. No one disrespects my girlfriend and lives. Although, maybe I would have waited until after tonight, I would love to see their faces when they realized they are no longer relevant.”

“Aw, you’re so romantic. How did I even get this lucky?”

“Are we resorting to flattery now?” Tabitha yelled from the shower.

Barbara laughed. She finally settled on a burgundy dress, made exclusively for her, one of the advantages of rising to power at the world capital of fashion. There was nothing like an exclusive designer dress to make her the center of attention, and that was exactly what she wanted that night.

After moving to Italy, they barely lasted a couple weeks of peace before deciding to go back to old habits, first with a nightclub, and later by getting involved in the Italian underworld. These crime bosses didn’t know what was coming for them, and it was a glorious bloodshed.

By now, they didn’t fear being discovered anymore, if Penguin was going to come after them, he would have done so already, and from what they read in the papers, things were too intense in Gotham for anyone to care about them.

So, they went from laying low to making themselves known with a blast. Quite literally. Nothing catches the eye of the underworld quite as much as burning every front business from their rivals to the ground. Well, except for making the grand opening of their newest nightclub the night after those attacks, especially when said nightclub was in the middle of their territory and no one bothered to ask permission. That just screamed ‘I did it, I’m not afraid of you, come at me if you think you can’, which was exactly what they wanted. If everything went according to plan, they would be Queens of Milan by the end of the week, and would control the whole Italian underworld by the end of the year. After that, who knew, Europe was a big place, and after that there were always the Russians.

“I have something for you,” Barbara said as soon as Tabitha left the shower. “Be sure to pick a dress that matches.” She handed the case to Tabitha. “Sorry about the blood stains, the previous owner was somewhat attached to this, but I think you’ll like it, it’s fit for a Queen. Or, well, a Duchess I think, whomever his mistress was, I couldn’t quite catch her title in the middle of all that screaming and shooting.”

Tabitha opened the case. Barbara was right, that must have costed quite a few millions. It was a necklace and matching earrings, made of white gold, sapphires and diamonds. The work was delicate, but far from discrete, the central stone almost as big as her fist. She would need to show some generous cleavage not to hide it.

“Do I even want to know in what kind of trouble you got yourself in to get me this?”

Barbara snapped her fingers and ran to the closet, bringing back a silver dress with her. “Here, wear this. I have been dying to see you in this.”

Tabitha rolled her eyes and took the dress. “I’m taking this as a no. Although I hope you would tell me if this is something that will come back to us,” she said, putting on the dress.

“Don’t worry. It was just one of those sleazy politicians who thought he could intimidate me, and even tried to use his mistress position as a weapon. But I do have a soft spot for women who fall for jerks, so I went after him alone. Turn over.” She helped Tabitha with the necklace, allowing her fingers to trail softly down her back once it was in place.

“I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you finding some trouble, can I?” Tabitha said, but she was smiling when she turned back to face Barbara.

“Says the woman who was just out slaughtering mobsters. And it doesn’t count as trouble if no one gets hurt.” Tabitha raised an eyebrow. “Fine, if no one we care about gets hurt.”

“That’s a good definition of trouble. You realize these dresses are a nightmare for concealing weapons, don’t you?”

“As if you need any concealed weapons to deal with a handful of mobsters.”

“I suppose I could always improvise.”

“You better make sure neither one of us gets hurt tonight, I have big plans for after our party, and I would hate for them to be ruined.” She gave Tabitha a quick kiss. “We should be going now, I don’t think fashionably late applies to hosts on the opening night.”

Barbara let Tabitha leave the room before her to get the car, making sure she was alone before giving a quick glance to her top drawer. The rest of the set she gifted Tabitha was still there, safe and sound, an engagement ring. Well, maybe that’s not what the man who ordered it had in mind, considering that he was married to someone other than the woman he was planning on giving the ring to, but she had been looking for an engagement ring for a while there, and the moment that one caught her eyes, she knew it was the one.

For all the ups and downs of her life, she had come to realize that, whenever she had Tabitha by her side, all would be fine. It wasn’t the life she dreamed of as a young girl, but she wouldn’t trade that for the world, so she might as well make it permanent. They could run away leaving everything behind, or they could take over the world. Either way, they would be together, and that was the only thing that mattered.


End file.
